Cirque du Freak: The Vampire's Assistant
3 stars 12A 
Review
Call it The Hunger, call it Thirst, but From Dusk Till Dawn to Twilight the human appetite for vampires is never satisfied. The question for filmmakers is, do you aim for adult jugulars or prey on a younger audience?
In condensing the first three of Darren Shan's 12-strong Cirque Du Freak books, screenwriter Brian Helgeland (L.A. Confidential) and director Paul Weitz explore an unusual third territory somewhere between The Addams Family and Interview With The Vampire.
For all his intelligence, Darren (Massoglia) is easily led by his tearaway friend Steve (Hutcherson). So when the outlawed travelling show Cirque Du Freak comes to town, the pair head straight for the front row.
Introduced by the imposing Mr Tall (Ken Watanabe), the 'attractions' include a Wolfman, a Snake Boy (Patrick Fugit), a woman who can grow back her limbs (Jane Krakowski), a guy who can eat anything (Frankie Faison), the man with the smallest waist in the world (Orlando Jones), and Salma Hayek as a psychic with a whisker problem.
But the friends are most impressed by real-life vampire Larten Crepsley (Reilly, looking like a cross between Heath Ledger's Joker and Ronald McDonald) and his giant spider Octa (looking like an arachnid version of Captain America).
Mesmerised, Darren kidnaps Octa. Obsessed, Steve asks Crepsley to make him a vampire. Unimpressed, Crepsley refuses.
Later, Octa bites Steve. Dying, Steve's only chance of survival is Crepsley's antidote. Machiavellian, Crepsley will only provide it if Darren becomes his servant. Cornered, Darren agrees.
Once in the Cirque, Darren must adapt to life as a half-vampire. He learns that true vampires never kill those they feed on. That's what makes them different from the deadly 'Vampaneze'.
Led by the diabolical Mr Tiny (Michael Cerveris - imagine Christopher Biggins gone bald) and his henchman Murlaugh (Ray Stevenson), the vampaneze take the resentful Steve under their wing.
Thus freaks become friends and friends become foes on a merry-go-round of nifty effects, abrupt violence and moochy introspection.
The bloodlessness of the younger cast is offset by juicy slices of ham served up by Hayek, Cerveris, Stevenson - who amusingly can't decide whether he's from Prague or Pontefract - and Willem Dafoe, giving it the full Peter O'Toole in his cameo as a vampire elder.
Holding it all together, Reilly cuts a surprisingly romantic figure while presenting a rueful and pragmatic insight into the undead condition: "It's a lonely life, but there's a lot of it."
But despite the crash-bang denouement, the door was always going to be left open for sequels. As a result, none of the characters find any closure.
It's worth the price of a ticket but, like most passing curiosities, the first coming of Cirque Du Freak is all sideshows and no main event.
